This was my reality from September to April of this last year. God gave me a revelation I’d been waiting on for a long time. I remember the moment it happened. I was in Nashville. It was September, the heat of summer still hanging in the air. God spoke and it felt clear. It felt like someone turning on a light and suddenly you can see all the things you’ve been running to by scrambling around in the dark. I finally had the answer I’d been praying for for such a long time. 

But that was it. I didn’t do anything with the revelation. I went on thinking for the next 5 months that just having the revelation was enough. It was like I was holding onto a travel brochure for a place I wanted so desperately to visit but I never saved the pennies and I didn’t book the trip— I just held tight to the brochure thinking, “This is enough. This is enough to look at the pictures and just picture me being there.”

I resisted a necessary transformation that would propel me to a new level from September to February. 

…

You see, the revelation was easy to talk about. I blabbed about it constantly because I was so thankful God had given me the answer I wanted. But the thing about the revelation was that it only shined a light on one part of the story. It was like I was shown the thing that was holding me back but I didn’t actually get with God to start pushing that boulder out of the way. I let it live there. I stayed the exact same person but now I was just aware of what was standing in the way. 

…

There’s a guy known as Peter in the Bible. If you’re unfamiliar with him, he plays a pivotal role in the story of Jesus. Consider him to be one of Jesus’ right hand men. When you first meet Peter, he’s pretty obnoxious. A loud guy. We all know one of those people who manages to say all the socially awkward things right at the time when they shouldn’t be said. That’s Peter when we first meet him. 

Jesus saw something in Peter that no one else saw. Upon their first meeting, Jesus gave Simon a new name. He said, though your name is Simon I am going to call you Peter because Peter means “rock” and you are the rock I am going to build my church on. 

He was telling Simon Peter in that moment, “I see something in you. I see such potential. Your role in the future is going to be so pivotal for the Kingdom.” And if you read ahead in the story then you will know that his role was pivotal and that Peter went on to be a very great man. 

But here’s what I always think about… just because Simon Peter was given a new name— a revelation of who we would be in the future— didn’t mean he’d walked out the transformation. Arguably, he walked no different the following day than he had the day before. 

It wasn’t until he went through the darkest period imaginable and failed in a pretty epic way that he was finally able to step into the transformation and become that rock. The darkness made him into the rock we know today. 

…

I don’t like the dark room. There, I said it. My own experience of darkness is tied up in depression and though depression was essential is turning me into who I was made to become I still don’t like that part of the story so much. I still try to tiptoe around it or beg at God that he would not make me go through another hard thing.

I know we spend so much time resisting the dark and trying to fight off the dark but what if it is necessary? What if we can only become who we were made to be through a darkness that irons out our faith and makes it real? 

I delayed what I knew I needed to walk out for 5 months but, when I was ready to see that nothing had changed in me past the revelation, it was all right there waiting for me. Just waiting for me to step into it. 

We cannot skip the “transformation” part of the story. It’s the best part. The results of going into the dark room, going wherever God leads you, is necessary and golden. Don’t stop at the revelation— go on through til you reach the transformation. 

Go on through to the other side.