Several years ago, while attending a conference in Nashville, God revealed something to me that I had been wrestling with for a long time.
I can still remember it clearly. It was September. The heaviness of summer’s humidity still hung like drapery in the air. I was teaching a writing class at the conference but I’ve never been a fan of green rooms- I prefer to sit in on sessions from other speakers instead.
In this session, the woman up front was talking about boulders— about the things in our stories that can stand in the way if we let them stay there for too long. She said, “You can ask God what’s standing in your way.”
While in that session, I was smack in the middle of a long season that felt heavy and dark. Yet I couldn’t figure out why. I couldn’t get to the root of it.
It had never even occurred to me to ask God. For some, that might be the first instinct—but for others, it’s not so easy to hand over the tenderest parts of ourselves. We still cling to the illusion that we can muscle through it better than He can.
That’s where I was— in the muscling through so I don’t need to bring God in phase. But I was so tired and weary of all the muscling. I was one step away from holding up the white flag.
So in that session, right there and then, I asked God, “What is this? What’s standing in my way?”
Immediately, a deep sense of clarity spread across me. It felt like someone turned on a light switch after a long period of fumbling in the dark. The answer was right there- instantly- after such a long season of praying around the boulder- I knew what the boulder was. I had the revelation.
But that was it, friend. I got the revelation that day but I didn’t do anything with it.
I went on thinking for the next 5 months that just having the revelation was enough.
You see, the revelation was easy to talk about. I blabbed about it constantly. I’d been shown the boulder standing in the way of moving forward but that was it- I just talked about the boulder. A lot. I let it live there. And I stayed the exact same person. And I learned a really hard lesson in that season:
Having the revelation, without walking out the tranfokrmstion, is like holding onto a menu for a restaurant you want to go but never saving the money, or making the reservation. It’s like holding that menu and telling yourself, “This is enough. This is enough to look at the items and imagine what they taste like.”
I spent a whole season holding the menu— resisting the transformation process that was meant to propel me to a new level. And I learned a really hard lesson in that season:
Just because you have the revelation does not mean you’ve walked through the transformation.
There’s a “sifting” to this life that changes us into different people— molds us into better versions of ourselves. But we often resist the sifting that, at many junctures, God has allowed. Because it’s painful. And it’s hard. Or it feels like nothing is moving. And we want the process to be quicker. We want to arrive at Point B without ever having to move from the comfort of Point A.
But I’m afraid we can’t skip the “transformation” part of the story. Any film buff or novel reader will tell you, that’s the best part- that’s what the world tunes in for- that’s what much of this life is about.
Transformation. And the gold that comes out of it.
Here’s the thing about gold:
It’s buried deep inside.
It requires pressure, time, and effort to unearth.
The refining is all kinds of messy.
But the end result is pure, and well worth the grinding.
For anyone who’s wondering, it took me five whole months since that conference to start the wrestling. To start the real work. But leaning in rather than trying to push away exposed me to a different level of intimacy with God.
You know how God gives Himself names throughout the Old Testament?
El Roi. Jehovah Jireh. Names that say, This is who I am. That season, it felt like God whispered a new name to me:
“I’m the God who walks with you to the other side- who doesn’t want to leave you this way if it means allowing you to live stunted and in scarcity. I am the God of deep abundance and I have that for you. I am the God of deep abundance, and I’ve laid out a feast for you. But you have to come to the table.
You can’t keep thinking reading the menu is enough when you have an actual chance to taste the food.”
So maybe you’re holding the revelation. Maybe you see the vision clearer than ever before but you’re clutching the menu and telling yourself, “This is enough.” Don’t stop there. Please. Go through. Taste the transformation for yourself. Allow the good work to be done in you, and through you.
Go on through to the other side.
There’s gold waiting for you. There’s a feast with your name on it.
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