Someone reached out to me a few months ago and told me she didn’t think I was living in the full power of God because I take medication for my depression. That she had depression herself and God instantly healed her. And that, if I would just trust God more, he would heal me.
I talk openly about medication on my platforms because 1) it played a vital role in giving me my life back after going through severe depression and 2) I want others to know it’s okay if you have to seek out this option. There’s a stigma regarding mental health, especially within the church, and that stigma is only amplified when we start discussing medication as treatment.
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Her message didn’t really annoy me or hurt me. I really believe this is her truth and she thought she was helping by sharing it. I’ve been in a public online space for 10+ years. I have thick skin and I’ve had all sorts of hate spewed in my direction. I’ve wrestled with God and I’ve done so much work to fuse my faith and mental health together. For me, the message sort of just rolled off my back. I knew in an instant it wasn’t true. But I could not help and think about others out there who would be undone by a message like this landing in their inbox. Those who are still seeking. Those who are questioning their faith. Those with a perception of God being dismissive and passive. A message like hers might be the very thing to tip the scale and send them bolting in the other direction.
I think it’s damaging when we come into the direct messages and comments of other people— people we only know because they give us fragments of their lives on a screen— and say things like, “You are not living in the full power of God because of _______________________.”
Statements like: if you just did x then y would happen are better left unsaid. In terms of mental health. In terms of infertility. In terms of miscarriages and marriages. In terms of anything really.
We have to be careful not to turn our testimonies into a one-size-fits-all model. I’m so thankful if you were healed in an instant of your depression. That’s a beautiful story. But don’t count someone else’s story out just because it doesn’t look like yours. That’s beyond damaging, especially if someone already struggles in their relationship with God. That doesn’t draw people closer to Him… it leads them further away.
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My story involves medication. Yours may, too.
Medication is a modern-day miracle in my eyes. Medication allows me to wake up and thrive each morning. Medication allowed me to carry a beautiful, healthy babe without experiencing depression. Medication literally saved my life 6 years ago. And God knew that would be a part of my story long before I did.
I believe God is a big-time healer. I believe some people can be healed in an instant and I’m excited for you if that is your story. However, I think we do so much harm to people looking God for a miracle when we tell it’s on us— and us expanding our faith— to produce that miracle. I wish I could invite that girl who sent me the message onto the floor of my childhood bedroom throughout those months of fighting depression so she could see the desperation in the prayers I prayed to God. I wish you could accompany to every doctor I visited, every waiting room I sat in, every church service I attended. I wish she could see that faith is not just healing, faith is all the walking in-between. Faith is bundled with all the imperfection of this lifetime. I wish she could see that some people get the miracle they’re waiting on and some people don’t but, either way, God is close.
While I believe that God can heal me, the fact that I have not been healed is not a sign that my faith is weak or my expectations are low. It means we are partnered. It means God thinks I am strong enough to keep walking this road and asking my questions.
“Taking medicine is a wise act of faith, not unfaith,” Zack Eswine writes. “It would not be wise to live by a supposed faith, and cast off the physician and his medicines, any more than to discharge the butcher, and the tailor, and expect to be fed and clothed by faith,” Charles Spurgeon said.
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I want to make something really clear: you and I rest in the full power of God every single day and no one gets to convince you otherwise.
I have a faith that is cultivated and tilled and watered and rooted. And, even if I didn’t have that faith, I would still be resting in the full power of God because my God is the Author of Rest and the Author of Power. God is closer than your breath. He’s not waiting on you to do x and y and z to get it together. He’s not treating your road to mental health as a Rubik’s cube, waiting for you to turn the little blocks in the exact right direction before he reveals the bigger grid. Even when you don’t feel him, he’s in every step you take. He does not leave. He does not abandon. He does not ask for perfection. He does not require you to go off your medication so he can access his fullest form of power.
We have to do better. Faith is a fragile thing for a lot of people. We don’t need to carry hammers.
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I hope you know this space is always a safe landing space for you. That you don’t have to feel shame for medication here. That you can ask your big questions and you can always trust this space on the Internet to remind you of the goodness of God.
Today, I’ve gone ahead and compiled some of the older posts I have on mental health + faith so you can browse through and learn more. I love you and I am so thankful you’re here.
I just want to say how grateful I am for your encouragement about medication and depression. I have dealt with depression and anxiety for over 30 years. I started being treated with medication in 1994. My youngest brother took his life in 1998. I faced infertility, and thanks be to God, He blessed us with a wonderful son, who, unfortunately also has depression. I have begged and pleaded with God to take it from me, but He hasn’t, and so I have decided to use it as a gift when I can. I knew how to get help for my son when he needed it. I am just starting with a new psychiatrist (I was scared to death to change), but he is very nice and he has educated me about my meds and believes that I am having drug interactions, and as soon as we begin making slow changes, I will be surprised at how much better I will feel. It will be a long road, I know, because my previous psychiatrist has been asleep at the wheel, I think. I have been hospitalized twice, I had suicidal thoughts, although I did not want to take my life, but I knew my husband and my son did not know how to help me, my psychologist couldn’t move in and babysit me. I was an RN for 38 years until I was injured in a fall on the job in 2019, and I cannot do hands on pt care, so I was grateful to get disability. Six months later, I lost my mother, less than a year after her death, I lost my oldest brother, and in October it will be a year since we lost my father in law, and I was very involved in helping care for him and my mother in law. I know I am only here by the Grace of God, and I wanted to write a story of my life, if for no one else, for me to tell my story to whomever wants to read it. My father was depressed, both of my brothers were alcoholics, my sister is 69 and also a retired nurse, but she and her husband smoke marijuana numerous times daily and grow it in their basement. She has smoked it since she has been a teenager. They treated me like I was weak because I see a psychologist when needed, and have a psychiatrist manage my meds. Lol I think it’s hilarious that they thought I was weak. My sister lives out of town, thank goodness, I love her dearly, but I want no part of that, and she is aware. Recently I became very angry at God and demanded an answer as to “why me?” I didn’t get an answer, I apologized to Him. Everyone has a cross to bear in life and I guess this is mine. Life is full of difficulties and hardships, and I believe that maybe God is testing our faith in Him. I’m struggling right now with motivation, and worked briefly part time at a funeral home where all of my family have had their funerals. I just told them I can’t continue. I am going to try vocational rehab, as I am a people person, and need to have a routine and other people to talk to. I believe my injury was a gift from God, truly, as my mother and I were able to resolve our differences and actually enjoy one another before she passed, and I got extra time with my brother and father in law. I’m excited to find out what is going to happen next in my life journey, despite the struggles. I know I have much more to give. Thank you so much for your kind words about depression and medication, it really has helped me greatly!!! God bless you!!!
I know it says you posted this letter a year ago, but I am just reading it. Thank you for posting this! Your life and mine are so close! I have struggled with depression for 30 years, and received so much criticism when I began taking antidepressants-and even recently from my home church-that hurt me so very much. I began getting worse because I was almost convinced from my pastor and his wife, and even some other members of the church, that my faith needed some help and should be deeper. I have since moved, and just made an appointment to see a psychiatrist. I talk to God so much-and after reading and finding support on this website-I am beginning to realize I’m not a bad person, or lack faith because of this debilitating disease. I have never lost faith-or questioned God not being near because of my affliction-I know He never leaves me, and is right beside me in this walk.
Thank you again for this letter-I am praying you are stronger every day, and would love knowing you are praying for me as well-In loving respect, Terri
Omg I needed this so much!!! I have Bipolar Disorder 1 and I have really wrestled with the way I was brought up that mental illness is not of God and that I need to pray. While I believe God can heal all things, I have to take treatment for my mental illness. Thank you for being so raw on this subject! I felt like a failure for not praying it gone and then I saw this! Brought so many tears! Thank you thank you!!