As a new mom in the middle of the pandemic, I remember the countless times I’d pick up my phone while doing something and begin to scroll. The habit was engrained in me. I would find myself grabbing my phone– at all hours of the day– and checking social media, emails, and calendars. Even if there wasn’t anything pressing to check, I still reached for the phone. The pull was always there, and I’d often catch myself holding my phone and wondering, “What did I even pick up the phone to do?”
As I started unplugging, I had to accept that I wasn’t checking in; I was checking out.
If you feel that way too, let me be the first to tell you: you’re not alone. It’s a prevalent feeling to want to check out over checking in. I hope these words help guide you toward the check-in we all need occasionally.
Be Kind To Yourself
Being kind to yourself is the biggest thing, and if you read The Unplugged Hours, I pray you will feel yourself wrapped up in a hug rather than met with words of shame. There is no shame allowed in this story.
“It’s not our fault that we check in and out of things so frequently. Our brains are wired for dopamine—the chemical that allows us to feel pleasure. Daily life brings all sorts of natural dopamine releases—exercise, sunlight, conversing with a friend. But our devices deliver intense doses in less time than it takes to lace up our shoes or get outside. So we scroll. And we click. And we shop. And we search. And our brains get hungrier for something more. But we keep reaching for the easiest surge—getting cheap dopamine hits from a device that has programmed us to check out of real life more and more every day.”
If you’re checking out a lot, don’t jump to shame. Be kind to yourself. Be aware and be curious. All change begins with awareness and the willingness to say, “I think I’d like to try things differently.”
Scrolling Isn’t Self-Care
There are definitely times throughout our busy lives when checking into apps is necessary and efficient. But I also think we can cross a line at some point (or at least I did) where it wasn’t that I had anything to check; it was just that I didn’t want to check in with myself.
I was avoiding feelings. I was trying to stay busy at all times. I was operating from a place of needing to be doing something at all times to maintain worth, value, and connectivity.
In the vein of being kind to yourself, I had to accept a reality: scrolling wasn’t helping me. It wasn’t a good form of self-care. It may feel good initially, and small doses might provide a mental break or a form of entertainment, but excessive scrolling is a soul drainer, not a soul charger.
Here are some better forms of self-care I’ve started practicing when my brain is tired, or I’m avoiding my feelings. These are, indeed, soul chargers:
- Taking a bath
- Keeping my bible on the countertop for easy reading
- Reading in bed at night instead of scrolling
- Journaling in small doses
- Practicing prayer
- Going for walks around the block
Check-Ins Can Be Small
I’ve learned to lace my days with little checkpoints– little ways that I check in with myself to make sure I’m okay- and that I am taking care of myself. Because I am worth that, and you are, too. At all these little junctures throughout the day, I’m checking in with myself when it would be easier to pick up my phone and check out.
But the check-ins don’t have to be significant practices. It doesn’t have to be a whole hour or an extensive morning routine. Sometimes, checking in looks like a cup of tea brewing or lighting a candle. I wrote in The Unplugged Hours, “Sometimes, checking in looks like drinking a big glass of water or remembering to eat something that contains a nutrient or two. It might look like scribbling down a quote I’d like to read again or listening to a voice memo from a friend.”
You Are Worth The Check-In
I know, friend. Trust me, I know how easy it is to claim there’s no time to check in or that something else is more important. But today, I’ll step in as the friend you might need to tell you that you are worth the check-in. Whether it’s five minutes or the chance to breathe before the baby stirs, you are worth checking in with yourself.
“Author Anne Lamott writes, “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”
So breathe. Power down. Check in.
You might just be trying to get your own attention.
The noise isn’t going anywhere—I can promise you that. It will all be here when you get back. But maybe you’ll be the one who has changed.”
xx,
hb.
p.s.
My new favorite nightly ritual that feels like a daily check-in.
p.p.s
The power of a morning meeting.
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